How to Say No Politely in German

A colleague, friend, or family member comes to you with a request, an order, or a request for help.

But you are crazy busy and don’t have time to do it.

Or you feel tired after a long workday and want to go home, but you don’t want to disappoint or hurt anyone.

You know you might feel guilty after saying no. The other person wants something from you, which is nice but also puts a lot of pressure on you if you have to decline their request.

You are also not sure of the right words in German. You know that nein means no in German. But you don’t want to be rude and say

“Nein, das kann ich nicht machen”
No, I can't do that.

You feel overwhelmed and stressed out. 

How Can You Decline a Request in German in a Polite and Caring Way?

This lesson will teach you the strategies and vocabulary you need to politely say “No” in German without stress or feeling guilty.

You’ll also learn how to use the following words and expressions:

jemanden um einen Gefallen bitten – to ask somebody for a favour  seine eigenen Interessen vertreten – to represent your own interests
die Erwartungen erfüllen – to fulfill the expectations  
Lust haben, etwas zu tun – to fancy something/to be keen on something  etwas ablehnen – to reject something  
jemanden enttäuschen – to disappoint somebody  
viel um die Ohren haben – to have too much to do  
die gleiche (Schall)Platte abspielen – to sound like a brocken record

But First...

Why Is It So Difficult to Say No When Asked for Help?

And, most importantly, why is it okay to do so?

When we say no, we fear disappointing someone, not meeting the expectations of those close to us, and hurting their feelings.  

In some cases, upbringing is to blame.    

Or we simply shy away from conflict.    

Although all of this is completely natural, it is not conducive to our well-being and health.  

If you keep saying yes to everything, you will realize how exhausting it is.    

People who are confident and determined have no trouble saying no. They know exactly where they stand and when to agree or decline a request. They recognize their own needs and take them seriously.    

As our lives get busier and busier, there are situations where we MUST say no.    

How to Say No in German Politely?

It’s nice that people ask you for help.

Acknowledge that by saying “Danke” or “vielen Dank,” which means “thank you” or “thank you very much.”  People value good manners, so starting your response with a small “Danke” is certainly helpful to soften the blow.    

If you want to be exceptionally polite, you can start with the following sentences:

If you need some time to think about the request, have a list of phrases that will allow you to postpone your decision for a little while.  

Examples:

Da muss ich erstmal in meinen Kalender schauen.
I have to look at my calendar first.  
 
Sorry, aber das muss ich erst absprechen.
Sorry, but I have to discuss that first.
     
Geben Sie mir bitte etwas Zeit. Das kann ich im Moment nicht entscheiden. Please give me some time. I can’t decide at the moment.

These responses, however, still leave a glimmer of hope that you still might say yes.
 
Instead, if you are 100% sure you want to say no, explain clearly and include how you feel. Most people will understand.  

Use the following phrases:  

Es tut mir leid, aber….
I am sorry, but ….  

Leider…
Unfortunately, ….  

Examples:

Tut mir leid, aber ich muss nein sagen. Ich habe schon was vor.
I’m sorry, I have to say no. I have plans.  

Es tut mir so leid. Ich würde es gerne tun, aber ich habe mich zu sehr verpflichtet und das stresst mich.  
I am so sorry. I would love to, but I have over-committed, and it’s stressing me out.
 
Leider ist mein Kalender schon voll.
Unfortunately, my calendar is already full.  

Ich habe leider keine Zeit, das zu machen.
Unfortunately, I have no time to do it.    

Ich hasse es, dich zu enttäuschen, aber ich habe leider so viel um die Ohren. Ich hoffe, du verstehst das.  
I hate disappointing you, but unfortunately, I have so much on my plate. I hope you understand.

What should you say if people don’t take your no for granted?

In that case, use the following method (not very subtle, but it always works. Nobody can persuade you):    

immer die gleiche Platte abspielen
(immer wieder dasselbe sagen)

to sound like a broken record

1. Think of a sentence that clearly formulates your no.

Example:

Ich habe keine Zeit und kann dir beim Einkaufen nicht helfen.
I don’t have time and can’t help you with shopping.   

The person may come up with his/her argument:    

Aber ich finde das besonders unfreundlich. Warum willst du mir beim Einkaufen nicht helfen? Es ist doch üblich unter Freunden.  
But I find that particularly unkind. Why don’t you want to help me with shopping? It’s common among friends. 

Don’t engage in the discussion. Show you heard the argument:

Ich verstehe, dass du das unfreundlich findest, aber …
I understand that you find it unkind, but…

2. Use your sentence:

Ich habe keine Zeit und kann dir beim Einkaufen nicht helfen.
I don’t have time and can’t help you with shopping.  

3. Repeat the same sentence:

To avoid sounding like a parrot, try different variations of the same statement a bit, but don’t reason. 

Examples:

Heute habe ich keine Zeit und kann dir beim Einkaufen nicht helfen.

Ich kann dir beim Einkaufen nicht helfen, weil ich keine Zeit habe.  

After more than three times, the person should be able to hear your definite “no” and there should be no more arguments.  

I hope you have a pretty good list of vocabulary for saying no without fear of being unpopular or hurting somebody’s feelings.